When your boss tells you to “punch a puppy” or “run it up the flagpole” you have three choices.
Option A: Smile and nod pretending you know the exact meaning of their analogies (think: covfefe) before returning to your desk and Googling “how to speak office”
Option B: Scoff at their obnoxious misuse of the English language and tell them to “sprint it up the shard”
Option C: Explain that you’re not very athletic and you’re actually more of a cat person anyway.
According to a survey conducted by job site Glassdoor, when it comes to office lingo, there are certain things better left unsaid.
2,000 participants were asked to list their most-hated office catchphrases, as overheard by the water cooler.
Listed in order of offence, consider this your definitive guide to wordplay in the workplace.
“We’re on this journey together” (iStock)
1. “Touch base” – Let’s reconvene in person to debate a specific issue or event that we could probably just discuss over email
2. “Blue sky thinking” – “Brexit will never happen”
3. “We’re on a journey”- Life is a marathon, not a sprint
3. “Game changer” – Double-stuffed Oreos
4. “No-brainer” – Peanut butter and jam
“This game-changer will blow your mind more than gluten-free dating sites (iStock)
5. “Thought shower”. A pretentious way of saying “meeting”
6. “Run it up the flagpole”. To test out an idea, with or without actually running anything up any poles because health and safety, you know?
7. “If you don’t like it, get off the bus”. “If you don’t like the double-stuffed, just stick to regular”
8. “Mission statement”- Solving the world’s identity crisis, one bumper sticker at a time
9. “Pick it up and run with it” – “Try almond butter instead and see what happens”
10. “Punch a puppy”- we’re not quite sure how this made it onto the list
11. “Let’s get our ducks in a row” – “It’s about time you organised your spreads on a dedicated spread shelf” (peanut and almond – not related to excel in any way).